The Common Net-Prowling Sock-Monkey is often mistakenly classed as a primate.  However, it is actually an artificial species--although no one is quite sure who, or what, would want to create such a thing.

As its name suggests, its skin is unwashed, malodorous gym socks.  Its insides are an unidentified (and perhaps better left unidentified) squishy substance.  The sock-monkey has dully glittering beads for eyes, and its nose and mouth are both unusually large.  A terrible smell accompanies it by a kilometer in all directions.

It is unknown whether or not the sock-monkey has an actual brain; research results have been, at best, sketchy.  What is known, however, is that the sock-monkey is ruled by a primitive, warped version of what could (very loosely) be called a code of ethics.  This instinctual doctrine is simple:

1) Whatever the sock-monkey does, wants to do, or agrees with is right, regardless of how ludicrous (or objectionable) that may be.

2) Everything else is wrong.

3) Common Net-Prowling Sock-Monkeys are the highest form of life.

The Common Net-Prowling Sock-Monkey has a single method of attack and defense:  In response to any stimulus which challenges its bizarre doctrine, the sock-monkey puts its oversized jaw to work making a great deal of noise--primarily yaps; whines; snarls; screams; and occasionally, incoherent babbling which may eerily resemble speech.  It then produces and flings—in a sick parody of a true simian—a large wad of putrid, viscous fecal matter, befouling everything in sight.

The feces-slinging ritual of the Common Net-Prowling Sock-Monkey remains, in many ways, a mystery:  The few researchers who have actually communicated with sock-monkeys report that the creatures do not acknowledge having any such ability.  Instead—with their peculiar logic—they have always indicated that their target was already befouled, and that they were somehow remedying the situation.  The source of the filthy projectiles is also unknown—being an artificial creature, the sock-monkey possesses no true digestive system.  Therefore, it is uncertain how it manages to manifest what seems to be real animal waste products (in many cases, chemically similar to bovine excrement).  This has led to no small amount of speculation on the composition of the sock-monkey's interior; and has given rise to the theory that the sock-monkey is, in fact, nothing but an ambulatory rectum.

The sock-monkey is a vicious beast.  It has been theorized that this is another side-effect of its artificial nature; it is, after all, a creature which by rights should not be able to live.  In fact, certain authorities even have doubts as to whether or not it is truly a life form.  Others believe that the creature's temperament stems from its inherent ruling instincts.  In any case, the sock-monkey is constantly sniffing around; sticking its big nose where it does not belong; and looking for something to attack, usually under false pretext of self-defense.  When it finds a likely-looking target, it screeches, gibbers, and begins lobbing its repulsive missiles.

It is not known how or even if Common Net-Prowling Sock-Monkeys procreate.  On the one hand, they seem to be proliferating; on the other, it is known that the execrable creatures lack reproductive organs and cannot even tolerate one another.

Despite its nasty nature, the Common Net-Prowling Sock-Monkey is not, by itself, particularly dangerous.  But due to its filthiness, it is a potential disease carrier and should be treated as such.